April 26, 2005

The travails of the house

Mark asked for an update on the house and, since I am particularly pissed off by the whole situation, I decided to write an update in the hopes that it might calm me down. Here's where things lie: I have tendered a contract to my Sellers and my Buyers have tendered a contract to me. My Sellers have not signed my contract and, thus, I have not signed my Buyers' contract. You can see why, right? If I sign my Buyers' contract to buy my house and my Sellers don't sign, I am bound to sell my house with no place to move to. My Buyers are getting antsy. So, I picked up the phone to explain the situation to them, to cut out all the middle men (the brokers and attorneys) so as to avoid diffusion of communication. Turns out the guy is a bond trader. *sigh* That means he has the professional time horizon of a day. Tops. I was told by him that he had received legal advise to withdraw his offer. Untrue according to my attorney who spoke to his attorney. Whatever. Buyer then told me that he would stand on his offer until close of business today and then re-evaluate. I said, fine, and thanked him for his courtesy.

I then heard from my lawyer that end of business means 4:00 and that "re-evaluate" means withdraw their offer.

Ok. So I email my attorney in CT and tell him that if the Sellers don't sign my contract and return it to me by 3:00 today my offer is withdrawn. As I said to my attorney, I cannot be in the position of my deal in NY falling through at the same time that I am bound to purchase this house in CT. That is a non-starter.

So now we wait while the clock ticks.

Did I mention that I am pissed? I now intend to be a prick with respect to the closing on my house, assuming that the deal goes through. What does that mean? No courtesy whatsoever shall be granted to the Buyers. No explanation that certain pipes might be adversely effected by low temperatures, despite all appearances to the contrary. No extra lightbulbs left for light fixtures we can't use anymore. I'll chuck 'em instead. I will not share any information whatsoever with respect to the house that I am not contractually required to share and that covers a multitude of topics. And that bottle of Champagne that we would usually leave for the new owners? Ain't happening. That will go to my attorney, instead.


My Sellers have returned their signed contracts. I guess the deal is going through, after all.

Posted by Random Penseur at April 26, 2005 09:01 AM

and don't forget to NOT tell them any of the paint brands or colors, just in case they need them for touch up - after the movers crash the couch into the wall while moving in...

not that i am encouraging such behavior...or would uhhumm...ever even consider doing such a thing myself.

nope...not me.

Posted by: sn at April 26, 2005 10:08 AM

you snuck in an update while i was on the phone...before i hit post!
well....good. glad to see the deal is going thru.

Posted by: sn at April 26, 2005 10:15 AM

Ooh! I was all set to suggest myriad ways to exact your vengeance and then I hit the last line of the post and my bubble popped.

Yay for the deal going through!

But you owe me a bubble.

Posted by: Jim at April 26, 2005 02:00 PM

Glad the deal is going through. Bond trader, gag a maggot!!

Posted by: azalea at April 26, 2005 03:35 PM

Phew! and congratulations!!!! I wish you and easy move, an easy daily commute and much happiness in your new home.

Posted by: michele at April 26, 2005 08:47 PM

Congratulations, RP! Now don't you feel better? And in future, the lightbulb stuff - child's play. Fill their vents with concrete, and spike the plumbing with sixteen-penny nails right after turning off the water on your way out. Open up the sheetrock in random places and snip wiring, then patch the sheetrock so it doesn't show. Throw a couple dead fish in the heat ducts for good measure, right after you dump a gallon or two of piss down each furnace register. That oughtta do it!

Yep, don't ever mess with me, I can be a vindictive little shit! LOL

Posted by: Mark at April 26, 2005 09:15 PM

Woo hoo! But, I'm sure why you're perturbed at the buyers for being antsy. They have their scheduling problems, too. From what I can tell, they're in your boat, mate.

I love the champagne idea. I'm gonna recommend to my outgoing boss that he leave a bottle of good stuff for the new boss.

Oh, and, Howdy, neighbor!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 26, 2005 09:39 PM

Glad to hear it all got straightened out....eventually.

Posted by: Kathy at April 27, 2005 02:37 PM
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