June 17, 2005

Sometimes, you don't get to finish

Remember my post from two days ago, about how a strong finish can redeem a whole bad day? It's two posts below this one, if you don't recall it. Well, I was wrong, sometimes your bad day/week can overwhelm your ability to finish.

I'm not really sure where this post is going. All I know for sure is that this has been a very difficult week. I have swung between two opposite poles -- one really enjoying what I do and one loathing what I do so much that I almost walked out (no joke).

Enjoying: it is beyond cavil that it is great fun sitting for three hours with a finance professor who is on everyone's short list for the Nobel Prize and parsing a complicated multi-party international economic transaction in order to stress test your assumptions at each step of the transaction in order to conclude that the transaction was a fraud, ab initio. Seriously. I love that. It was a mix of practical mechanics and theoretical finance conducted at a pretty high level. High enough to make my nose bleed. This was a part of my yesterday. The day before was spent in meetings with the possible plaintiff and his lawyer, the guy who referred the case to me. I feel a smidgeon of guilt for taking their money since it was so much fun, I'd have done it for free.

Detesting: there may have been a mistake made by co-counsel in a case I have. I did not catch the mistake and it may result in great unhappiness. Certainly, I feel like shit. I think it is fixable, but still, there will have to be some quick dancing and some interesting decisions. I have no idea how it will come out. I do know that I have not been very happy about it. How unhappy? Verge of quitting unhappy, anxiety attack symptoms unhappy, heart pounding unhappy (not exaggerating at all), bottom dropping out of stomach unhappy. Why? What if it wasn't a mistake on his part, what if we were getting set up to take a particularly nasty fall? And I didn't catch it. I have been running to try to fix it, but still, there are times and this week is one of those times, I really do hate my job.

Quite the dichotomy, no?

Posted by Random Penseur at June 17, 2005 04:14 PM

OY VEY, Maria!!!

Hope your weekend is all sh*ts and giggles!

Posted by: Wicked H at June 17, 2005 04:28 PM

That would be the ying and yang of it, non?

Posted by: Christina at June 17, 2005 05:33 PM

Good luck, hope it all works out.

Posted by: owlish at June 18, 2005 12:55 AM

Tell you what. If I find a suitable dream scriptwriter I'll send him/her your way, if you figure out a great career change let me know. I could use one.

Posted by: owlish at June 18, 2005 11:24 AM

Am I the only one who's still not sure what RP and the Professor did? You lost me at 'cavil'.

Actually, the more I read this blog, the more I realize you are one smart mo'fo', RP, and even the smartest of the smart make mistakes. You are human and, as those of us with less brain cells are known to utter, 'shit happens'. Will that make you feel any better? Don't know, but just remember that everyone screws up...and if that thought still doesn't make you feel better, let me know. I got a guy. :-)

Posted by: Howard at June 19, 2005 12:24 AM

I find this entry interesting simply because it shows the, often, lack of control we have for the world around us. One minute pleasure, one minute pain. You contrasted well.

I'm no life guru. One simple thing I learned not so long ago, although I am in my 30's, is I have to wake up everyday with the thought that anything is possible.. to expect the "bad" and the "good". When I wrap my brain around that idea I find things are more tolerable.

Now, when it comes to effecting someone else's future and life.. that's the cost of great responsibility. Regardless, mistakes will happen. Your ability to clean up the mistakes, your empathy for others and your ability to deal with it make you truly who you are. But the rewards of great responsibilty can be pretty nice too.. eh?

Great Entry. I find I have more to comment here than almost anywhere else.

Posted by: dr pants at June 19, 2005 06:08 AM
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