August 03, 2005

In praise of the natural

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon. The kids actually were napping, the wife was working out, the nanny was off at church, the air conditioning was humming away, we were as unpacked as we need to be at this stage of the weekend, and, for the first time in four days, I sat down for more than a moment.

But, I am a man and in some ways a typical man so I could not sit down in my new den without holding the remote. The adult male pacifier. And I could not hold it without using it, of course. But I did strike gold. Conan the Barbarian was only moments away from starting. I settled in to the couch to enjoy, as if for the first time again, the theatrical stylings of the Governator.

This brings me almost to the point of this post. Bet you thought I'd never get there, did you?

While watching this subtle play on the nature of good and evil, on choice and destiny, on nature v. nurture, I kept seeing breasts. There were a bunch of woman naked from the waist up in this cinematic tour de force. Normally, I suppose, I appreciate the naked female form as much as the next red blooded heterosexual male. But something about these breasts struck me as odd. And then it hit me. These breasts were real! That's why they looked so unusual and even, frankly, so nice.

And now we do get to the point. The point is this: real, not surgically enhanced breasts are seldom seen in movies today. They have vanished, much like cigarette adds from television. So much so, that I am wondering whether the natural breast should be added to the California endangered species list, Hollywood Chapter. They should not be allowed to vanish altogether. We should take a stand and demand their return to the big screen.

Seriously, how messed up is it that real breasts stand out on the screen? How many women have undergone cosmetic surgery to "improve" their looks for movies?

I'm reminded of a scene from a movie I can't recall the name of. Steve Martin and Sarah Jessica Parker are fooling around, in LA, and he says that her breasts feel weird and she says that's because they're real.

Could we start a grass roots movement here? Small breasts for the big screen! A rallying cry!

Posted by Random Penseur at August 3, 2005 09:53 AM | TrackBack

The movie with S.J.P. and S.M. to which you refer to is L.A. Story. I actually own it AND Conan the Barbarian.

Posted by: Mandalei at August 3, 2005 11:44 AM

What about large, natural breasts? Hmmmmm? Do they have to be small and natural or just natural?

Just clarifying so I can make an informed choice about my grass roots involvement.

Posted by: CJ at August 3, 2005 12:17 PM

Yes, what about us buxom ladies? You no like?

Posted by: Wicked H at August 3, 2005 12:22 PM

Nah, they just have to be natural. I only specified small because I liked the small breast / big screen juxaposition.

Posted by: RP at August 3, 2005 12:22 PM

Good save, RP. Good save!

Posted by: Wicked H at August 3, 2005 12:38 PM

Fortunately it was true! I went back and forth on the rallying cry but decided small/big was more interesting than natural/big.

Posted by: RP at August 3, 2005 12:41 PM

Right in there behind you, RP. We should add a bit about curves in there too, I'm sick of seeing these stick figures masquerading as women, bones sticking out, cheeks sunken in. Eat a damn sandwich.

Posted by: Oorgo at August 3, 2005 02:59 PM

Ok, ok. I was just clarifying.

I would have been for the small breasts anyway...was just being a pain in the tuckas.

Posted by: CJ at August 3, 2005 04:10 PM

I was kind of hoping for a "real boobs look funny" movement to come out of this.

Posted by: phin at August 3, 2005 04:44 PM

Seeing as how I'm also a fan of natural boobies, big or small, I propose that we change our name to "The Dumbass Thong and Natural Boobie Watchers Society"?

Do you concur?

Posted by: Howard at August 3, 2005 10:45 PM

Men can certainly be endearing on occasion...even when they speak of boobage.

; )

Posted by: Christina at August 3, 2005 11:31 PM

How 'bout Breats Are Beautiful -- Natural Ones, That Is... (BABNOTS) ..?

Boobs Oughta Only Be Fake After Non-elective Surgery (BOOBFANS) ..?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 3, 2005 11:34 PM

I'm really having a hard time getting past my own laughter about the remote being the adult male pacifier to get into the conversation here. LOL On second thought...couldn't the remote AND boobage BOTH be the adult male pacifier?

Posted by: Linda at August 4, 2005 12:24 PM

My husband prefers natural breasts too; he HATES fake boobs for vanity's sake and will rant forever about how ugly they make a woman look. Large or small, makes no difference, as long as they are REAL.

He also thinks the emphasis on cosmetic surgery is stupid. He points out the women who are letting themselves age gracefully on TV so often, saying beautiful they look that I'm starting to get a complex about it. ;-)

You want me to dye my hair grey now or what, babe? ;-)

In contrast, I know a couple of women whose husbands *expect* them to get cosmetic surgery as they age. They want them to stay looking like young hotties as long as possible and they actually berate them if they gain any weight. Yes, I'm serious. It's simply expected that as their wives they'll put themselves through cosmetic surgery. And their wives accept this eagerly. Unbelievable.

Posted by: Amber at August 4, 2005 02:38 PM

RP: I'm staying so far away from this uprising (if you will) and will only cheer you from the comfort of my office. I am married to one who would agree wholeheartedly, but I think if I jumped on the bandwagon -- what with my recent outburst regarding Angelina Joile and his knowing my history of hanging out in "interpretive dance establishments" [Because I could play pool and drink beer in PEACE. Nobody was lookin' at ME!] -- he MIGHT think I'm making a play for the other team!

[Of course, the fact that I'm getting heavier and heavier with child is no reason to dissuade me from my fantasy, you know.]

Oh and Amber? The difference between the former husband and the latter (based on your description) is that the former husband (yours, in fact) loves his wife as a human being not as a trophy wife.

P.S. The worst thing about the extra boobage during pregnancy is there's the annoying visual roadmap of veins to go along with it. Makes finding a low-cut maternity dress pretty much out of the question. Damnit.

P.P.S. Yes. I'm going to bed now as I've been up way too late. *snicker*

Posted by: Margi at August 5, 2005 04:04 AM

You want real California breasts? Here you go. Be careful what you wish for, you might get it! (don't say I didn't warn you.)

Posted by: Mark at August 5, 2005 07:58 AM

Damn - Forgot the link!

Posted by: Mark at August 5, 2005 07:58 AM
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