September 23, 2005

Sort of just occurred to me

You know what the worst thing is about walking sideways to your responsibilities, at least your work related ones? It makes every day feel like Monday, every morning feel like the same start to the same day it was yesterday. It makes Friday feel like something other than the end of the work week and the it makes the weekend feel somehow devauled, somehow less merited. You end each day with the same to do list you begin it with and you realize that time passed but you gained no traction on it. The same lassitude gently laps at you and pulls, stupidly at you, like too much humidity and not enough cool air. This is what happens when your week is filled with responsibilities other than work, when you put on a dinner for around 250 people that lasts for 5 hours, when you attend board meetings, attend committee meetings, when you occupy yourself with everything other than your occupation. A person, could develop a cold. Or at least a feeling that the end of the week is nigh but not for you.

It has been a complicated week but not a productive week, not for me at work at least.

But the dinner I organized, in recognition for Vietnam Vets, was a huge success. One Vet wrote me:

that was the most deeply moving evening I have ever had over my Vietnam experience and it is because you pursued the idea and made it happen. i will never forget last night.

That makes it feel a bit better.

But not enough to make it feel like a Friday. Not enough to make it feel like I should have cashed that paycheck.

Guilt. Unresolved feelings of guilt. It ain't ever enough, anywhere, is it?

Posted by Random Penseur at September 23, 2005 04:20 PM | TrackBack

NOW you know how master procastinators such as I feel, all the time. That explains it perfecly. Maybe that's why there are these knots in my neck and my chiropractor has been making it rich off of me lately.

Posted by: Oorgo at September 23, 2005 06:31 PM

I don't think you do enough. Maybe you should join the military too.. Maybe learn Chinese and solve the problems of world hunger. I think Bono needs some help. Geez.. Relax RP. You do plenty. Reach up with your hand and pat yourself on the back. Have a Martini and go see a nice concert..

Posted by: Dr pants at September 24, 2005 11:02 AM

About 15 years ago my old boss -- the CALDOR print shop manager -- came downstairs from a meeting. He told me that, near the end of the meeting he and the others were asked how they thought it had gone.

"It was a complete waste of three days," he said.

"Huh?" he was asked.

"There are twelve people in this room and we've been here for two hours," he pointed out. That's 24 man-hours -- three 8-hour workdays -- and we've accomplished nothing here."

I think they stopped inviting him to meeting after that.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at September 24, 2005 04:16 PM

Screw guilt. Seriously. They'll extract their pound of flesh and then some.

Good on you for organizing the dinner for the vets.

Posted by: Mark at September 24, 2005 08:11 PM

1. The more work you have to do, the more efficient you are forced to become.

2. The more efficient you become, the faster you you get your work done.

3. The faster you get your work done, the more work they give you.

4. Goto 1

Sometimes you just have to say "F**k it" and look out for #1

Posted by: TeaFizz at September 25, 2005 09:53 AM

I've heard that if you want something done, ask a busy person. Maybe what you didn't have time to get accomplished is less important than what you did accomplish? I dunno. The vets' dinner seems to have made the week worthwhile, no? I'm impressed, for what it's worth...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at September 25, 2005 06:16 PM

Gosh I've been there and I can empathize. I Hope you find something you like to help you get through the hump of the work place you are in now, so these feelings will dissipate and become a distant memory soon enough.

Posted by: Michele at September 25, 2005 08:32 PM

And here I thought I was the only one with this feeling...

Posted by: Zya at September 27, 2005 06:24 AM

Welcome to parenthood, my darling.

Feeling guilty is one of the seven signs you're doing it right.

I'll be goshdamned if I know what the other six signs are. . .


Tie a knot and hang on. I have serious doubts if ANYONE else in your life is as harsh on you as you are on yourself.


Posted by: Margi at September 28, 2005 12:43 AM
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