April 29, 2007

Who is watching baseball?

I was struck down on the train home on Friday night with a nasty flu like bug. I still feel poorly but nothing like as badly as I did on Saturday and Friday night where I alternated between fever wracked dreams and spasms that turned my whole body into one large muscle cramp. It was not fun.

I did manage to install myself on the coach and watch most of the Yankees-Red Sox game on Saturday. I sat there, zoning in and out, with chills and hot flash spells, with a brain rendered completely defenseless to the blandishments of those seeking to improve my life through the judicious exercise of consumer power, and I observed. And I came to some tentative conclusions about either (1) who watches afternoon big league baseball on a Saturday; (2) who the advertisers think is watching big league ball; (3) what is of the most serious moment to those viewers; or, (4) what the advertisers would like the viewers to feel is of the most serious moment.

First, these are men (I think) who drive trucks. Not your silly imports, but American made trucks. They take these trucks into the wilderness or they use them in furtherance of important agricultural or major construction jobs. Or, perhaps, that is what they'd like to be associated with. No matter. Trucks are important.

They watch NASCAR or are simply being urged to do so. Lots of commercials for NASCAR. I cannot square it with the truck thing, but that may be because I am more of the effete Eastern elite than anything else.

They drink beer, but primarily light beer. This means they are either concerned about their weight or are getting older. I think maybe it could be both.

They also may like golf. More on that later.

They probably own their own houses. Another clue that they are older. Why? Because there are grave concerns about lawn care, if you believe the advertisers, that is. Concern about grass and weeds.

They are also being pitched things like power tools (another clue to home ownership) and auto parts (another gender clue, I feel).

They have penis problems. Either in achieving and maintaining acceptable erections and thus feeling fulfilled in life or problems in passing water through said instrument. Another good clue as to the perceived age of the viewer. There are prostate problems and ED problems and plenty of drugs out there that will allow you intimate post coital moments with happy, satisfied mates and also allow you to get out there for long kayak trips, far from the urinal, with your best adventure seeking baby boomer pals. These people also play golf since there each potential drug consumer is also directed to see the advertisements in Golf Digest. I think that I will not play golf as it is not clear to me whether the penile dysfunctions existed in men prior to playing golf or were brought about by prolonged exposure to gold clubs, ugly clothes, and mass quantities of pesticides used in maintaining those emerald greens. Either way, I value my own penis too much to take the risk that appears to be endemic to playing golf.

So, watching the game is not for me or people like me, I gather. It is a wonder that I enjoyed it all.

Now, we interrupt this blogging break to return to bed. I feel another nap coming on.

Posted by Random Penseur at April 29, 2007 09:04 AM | TrackBack

well, that sure isn't me...

of course the baseball game I was watching was Dodgers vs. Padres... Same kind of commercials, though.

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 30, 2007 12:05 AM

You should post more when you're delusional from sickness, this one was hilarious.

"I value my penis too much to play golf"


Posted by: Oorgo at April 30, 2007 10:34 AM

"there are grave concerns about lawn care"

LOL! ahahahah!

Posted by: Amber at April 30, 2007 12:37 PM

"Either in achieving and maintaining acceptable erections"

Come again?

Posted by: Mrs. Peperium at April 30, 2007 10:10 PM

RP, baseball games on Saturdays and Sundays always were played in the afternoon (as were World Series games) and many a lawn was mowed and many a barbecue was stoked to the sound of Mel Allen or Red Barber or Curt Gowdy. It was part of the divine order of things. And it meant kids could watch.

So I welcome the playing of as many games as possible in the afternoon, and at the same time, wonder who at the network levels thinks a Cialis ad constitutes family viewing at 4 in the afternoon. How many eight-year-olds across America are pounding their gloves in front of the TV set, watching the ad with the couple sitting in bathtubs among the monumentally hard rock formations, and asking Mom or Dad what priapism is?

Posted by: MCNS at May 1, 2007 12:02 PM

That, sir, was brilliant.

Posted by: Howard at May 1, 2007 04:11 PM
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